


Thinking About You

by frapandfurious, squire



Series: Big Brothers AU [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ben and Armie get better at being themselves, E-mails and Skype, Epistolary, Fluff, Humour, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Multimedia Fic, Pranks, Reunion, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 16:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8379220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious, https://archiveofourown.org/users/squire/pseuds/squire
Summary: Set after the events of A Little Push. Hux has left for his six month long mission in Iraq. The time they have for writing each other is limited but they make the most of it. And some more.





	1. Not even a week apart and already collosal assholes

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a huge experiment for both of us - frapandfurious and squire. We are roleplaying the characters and keeping the e-mails coming in real time. Frap writes Ben and squire writes Hux. It's an amazing experience and we only hope you'll like it as much as we do.
> 
> Here's also to hope all the links and embeds will work on whatever media you use to view this fic.

_From:_ Armitage Hux

 _To:_ Ben Solo

Saturday, 04/02/2016

 

Dear Ben,

At last I’m settled enough to snatch a couple of minutes to write. Sorry I haven’t been able to do so earlier. The flight was… well, I’ve come up with many adjectives for the duration of it but after the first twelve hours only one persisted – long. It’s been long ad I’m really glad it’s over.

Don’t ask me where I am – I won’t be allowed to tell you. For the same reasons, I can’t tell you much about the camp. It’s been here for a couple of years and everything seems to be running smoothly. There’s some room for improvement though in the unit I‘ve been assigned to, I’ll tell you more about it when I’m not so pressed for time. 

Remember that sunset on that trip to New Mexico two years ago? How it seemed that half of the sky was burning and you kept quoting that ridiculous movie about aliens on Independence Day? It was because of the sand in the air, all those apocalyptic clouds and sky in all shades between red and yellow for hours on end. Just the other day I saw a sunset exactly like that. It was really odd, seeing that and not hearing „Nuke them!“ when I turned around. (Yes, I miss you. Don’t let it get into your head.) 

There’s a lot of desert around, which is about everything I can disclose about our location. The less romantic side to the fiery sunsets is that every gust of wind seems to be carrying sand and more sand, a really rough, coarse fucker that gets everywhere. 

Things I miss? You, my bed, you in my bed. (Sorry I can’t be more specific. The outgoing mail is being read. Don’t even think about pestering me for sending you nudes. Lt. Mitaka is a decent officer and doesn’t deserve this.) 

I know I promised Skypeing and I am sorry I couldn’t get around to that yet. One of the boys who’s been serving little over eight months here just became a father the other day, so we’ve been passing up on our Skype slots for him. Once he’s done with admiring the umphteenth variation of scrunched-up screaming red tiny newborn face, I’ll get to talk to you. Could you bring Techie along? I’ll be writing to him as well of course but I’d like to see both of you in the little time I’m going to have. 

Is there a video from the dance show you were planning to do in the week after I left? I’d really like to see that. 

Take care of the flat. Well, that was wishful thinking. Please, take care of yourself. That was an order :-) Love you.

A.

 

*

 

 _From:_  Ben Solo

 _To:_  Armitage Hux

Sunday, 04/03/2016

 

Hey pumpkin! Glad you made it in one piece.

I don't know where to start. I don't email much but for you I'd sit here all day. I read your email four times already. I'm going to print it out when I'm done writing and take it with me to read some more.

You do always say I'm the romantic one.

Speaking of romantic, and sunsets, every single one makes me think of you. None of them get the color of your hair right. The one in New Mexico came pretty close though.

I found a strand of your hair on one of my shirts the day after you left. Let's just say I wasn't prepared for how that made me feel.

I miss you. You can go ahead and let it get to your pretty head.

I know you can't tell me everything, but tell me whatever you can. I want to know what you eat for dinner and if the coffee is up to your standards and how cute you must look in whatever they make you wear over there. Mostly I want to know how you are. If you’re okay.

Techie misses you a lot. Maybe even more than I do. Rey and I are looking out for him though so you don't have to worry. Mom makes him all sorts of treats. She’s thrilled to have someone so willing to try her experimental baking. If he hasn't put on some weight by the time you're home I'll be shocked.

I'm taking them to the zoo on Saturday. Can you believe Techie has never been there? I know your dad's an ass but this. This is unforgivable.

I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you. So much I can't say it enough. Maybe I'll send an email with just that repeated a thousand times.

And I love you. Why didn't I start with that? Would it be weird to go back and add it to the beginning?

Sorry I'm rambling. There's so much I want to say. But I want to say it in person, you know? This just isn't the same. I can’t watch your expressions. I can imagine them, but that’s not the same either.

I have to leave for practice soon.

Promise me you'll take care of yourself. Wear sunblock, drink lots of water, those sorts of things. And your place is just fine, except, does the toaster always let off smoke like that?

Kidding. ;)

I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Your Ben

P.S. Here’s the video you wanted. Just click on the preview image. It starts out quiet so make sure you have the sound up.

[ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

 

*

 _From:_ Armitage Hux

 _To:_ Ben Solo

Monday, 04/05/2016

 

Ben, my dearest, my sunshine, the light of my life,

if I could get my hands on you now I’d nail you to the door by your ears with a staple gun. Honestly. 

 _Thank you_ so much for the video I requested. I might have not stressed it enough in my last e-mail but the time we have for ourselves on the internet is limited, and the connection speed is glacial at times. So the vid downloaded for ages, as you can imagine. 

Which somehow gave time to a good half of my unit to gather around my chair, drooling at the preview image of the vid as it donwloaded, the one you no doubt so cleverly chose to this exact effect, the one where you inexplicably have no shirt on. Why, you may ask, was my unit there? Because certain someone has run a background security check on you (as was their duty) and then let their tongue a-waggle around the entire base about how “gorgeous” my SO is (which was entirely unprofessional, Dopheld, and may I warn you that you’re fair game now). 

So there were my comrades, pumped to see - let me quote Sgt. Unamo - “the juiciest piece of man-cake she’s ever seen” - only to nearly tear down the comm tent with laughter when dear old Rick Astley started wiggling his satin-clad ass on the screen. 

And the worst about it? _I should have known._ You’ve tried to rick-roll me - how many times? I’ve lost count over the years. But you’ve given yourself away every single time, Mister Puppy Eyes. I should have known you’d wait for two thousand miles of seawater to be between us to let you keep the poker face you can’t pull off in real life. 

On the plus side, if you ever get sacked from KOR, my unit is ready to adopt you as their mascot. The life in here can get grim sometimes, with all of us being so far from home and our loved ones, that they appreciate a good laugh. 

So, if you’re done laughing now, let me write about other things. Like how reading your letter has made me feel, all warm on the chilly night. I printed it out and took it to my bunk and imagined hearing the words in your voice. I fell asleep to the sound of it and it’s been quite the disappoitment to wake up, roll over and not be able to kiss you good morning. 

I miss your hair. Well, not the mess you leave in the shower drain (honestly, no-one ever told you you’re shedding like a newfoundland?), but the feel of it under my fingers when we’re watching movies. I never told you but I think you’ve guessed anyway that I was never particularly keen on the movies but I loved the feel of carding my fingers through your hair. I’m only telling you now with the thousands of seawater between us hiding my blush because I’m just as bad as you are. 

You wanted to know about the trivialities of my life here. First of all, I am okay. Don’t worry yourself. The locals are fairly friendly. There are other contingents stationed at this base too, a medical unit from the Czech Armed Forces and a British reconstruction team. I would rather not talk about what I eat for dinner. It’s satisfactory. I guess after few months of this I’ll be remembering even that night in Renegados (remember how you tried to burn my tongue off?) with certain fondness. 

I can send you a selfie in full gear. Just don’t get disappointed when there won’t be much landscape view in the frame. Nothing that would help to pinpoint where exactly we are. 

I am so glad you’re looking out for Techie. He won’t admit it - he’s my brother after all - but he needs it. Your mom deserves a medal. 

We passed through a local market the other day on our way back from a patrol. The children here have such intense eyes. Dark and deep and with eyelashes like smudged coal. It reminds me of you. Sometimes I see you everywhere I look, that crooked smile of yours and the lazy hunch of your shoulders at the periphery of my vision. I can picture you so clearly, and yet, as you say, it’s not the same. But when sometimes the hour gets long and boring I can imagine your face between my palms, counting your moles with my lips. I know each and every one of them. When I get back I am going to count them all over again to see how good my memory is. 

I love you. Take care. 

A. 

P.S. Here’s the selfie. Enjoy:) 

[Me in gear :)](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/01/9e/c5/019ec57fc0b2baf8de201e534a63ecdb.jpg) 

 

*

 _From:_  Ben Solo

 _To:_  Armitage Hux

Sunday, 04/03/2016

 

Hux. Baby. Pumpkin. Sweetheart.

HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME??????

The image wouldn’t open on my phone and so I rushed to my laptop, only to find THAT?

That isn’t even you!

I guess it’s only fair after the rick-roll. You’re ruthless.

It’s one thing I love about you. One of many.

Before I start getting sappy again I should probably reply to the things you said.

Your unit sounds great. I’m glad _they_ can appreciate a good rick-roll. And I’m glad they enjoyed the video. I’ve never been called man-cake before, at least not to my face. I’ll take that as a compliment. Just make sure to tell them this slice is yours and to get their own. ;)

My hair misses you too. I watched a movie alone the other night and tried to imagine the way your fingers feel and. It’s not something that can be imagined. It always felt so good and I didn’t tell you that enough. You always know how to make me feel good and I – need to stop talking about it for now or I won’t be able to see the screen.

I’ll never forget that night at Renegados. Or the date before that at the sushi place. I know what would help the food – I’ll send you all the wasabi I can fit into one box. You’ll love that, right?

Techie loved the zoo, by the way. I’d tell you all about it but I think he wants to do that on our Skype call. We’re going to the science museum next time and I’m sure he’ll tell you about that too. He and Rey have been there on school trips but they’re really excited to go, and I quote, “without all those losers holding us back.” Rey’s words.

Other than that, not much to report on this end. So now I can get back to the sappy stuff.

I miss your hands in my hair and your lips on my face and the things you whisper and the way your eyes look in the sun and in the dark and in general. I miss how you feel in my arms. I miss your freckles. What if you have new ones when you get back? I’ll have to start my cataloging all over again. It’ll take months, years, even. Good thing I’m going to marry you. We’ll have so much time. I can’t wait. I love you and miss you so much it’s like a weight in my chest all the time.

The week after you left, I kept making enough coffee for two. And I make too much of everything I cook now. For a day or two I tried to adjust so I’d make less but then I stopped. What’s the point? You’ll be back and you can eat your half of my _awesome_ stir fry like you’re supposed to. Until then I’ll just have leftovers.

Do you know who helps a lot with all this? Mom. Believe it or not I’ve been visiting her more often, like she always wanted me to do. I guess early in their relationship she and dad were all over the place, he’d be gone or she’d be gone or they’d be split up for a little. So she gets missing someone.

Anyway. I should go. I’d say don’t work too hard but who am I kidding? This is you we’re talking about.

I love you. Always.

Ben

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case the link to the dancing video doesn't work in text: [here you are,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
> 
> And [ here's the photo ](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/01/9e/c5/019ec57fc0b2baf8de201e534a63ecdb.jpg)Hux has sent back to Ben.


	2. In the Course of Two Days

_From:_ A. Hux

 _To:_ B. Solo

Tuesday, 04/05/2016

 

My dear Ben,

I am sorry I haven’t written earlier. I passed out last night face down on the reports I was writing up… it’s been trying couple of days.

Don’t watch the news. Okay, I realise that the first thing you’ll do now is flipping the news channel on but at the least try to remember that I am okay. They media release is always a couple of days behind the real events anyway.

There’s been a suicide bombing at a police station in the nearby town. The reconstruction team I’ve been telling you about in my last letter - two lads have been there, training the local officers. It’s so frustrating just thinking about it, the local people people try and try to build up some kind of infrastructure and order back from the ruins and then some self-righteous bastard decides to wrap a twelve year old in Semtex and blow it all up.

We had to secure the area. That was tense but uneventful, mostly just getting baked in the sun on some roof with a sniper gun. Tracking down the bastards and smoking them out was better. That's about all I can tell you about the operation, sorry.

I don’t have much time today. I just wanted to tell you… damn, why is this so hard. I love you. I don’t tell you nearly enough. I never did. Sometimes I wondered when you’d get fed up with it. I wish I had your way with words, with touches, smiles, looks. I always know what you’re feeling because you are like a star, radiating from your core. And then there’s me like a cold moon, thick frozen crust around me at all times. I want to get better at this. I love you.

A.

 

*

 

 _From:_ B. Solo

 _To:_  A. Hux

Tuesday 04/05/2016

 

Ohgodohgodohgod  
  
Okay.  
  
I'm doing what you said and remembering you're okay, but I did look at the news, you know I had to.  
  
I love you.  
  
And I'm going to worry no matter what you say, sorry, but fuck I'm glad you're okay. That doesn't even come close to summing up how I feel right now but it will have to do.  
  
I replied the second I got this and I realize as I write how fortunate I am to be able to do that. And. 'Tidge, I've been feeling close to some sort of weird epiphany about my life and I wish you were here to talk me through it. How I've taken so much for granted. People mostly. My parents, my friends. You.  
  
You. I love you. I want to tell you so many things right now but if I say everything you'll use all your time reading it and have none left to reply.  
  
But this is important. Baby, listen, you're no moon, okay? To me you're the sun. Bright and stunning. You're warm when it matters, and I know it's there even when I can't see it. I see how you look at Techie and yes sometimes I catch you looking at me too. I know you love me. It's okay. I know. I love you too.  
  
And I can't have made it easy for you. I know I can be...needy. And emotional. And that it can be overwhelming. I wondered a lot if you'd feel smothered and leave but you didn't somehow. I don't know how to tell you what that means to me.  
  
I haven't told you anything that's going on here, have I? Sorry. Techie and Rey are great. They're entering the science fair as a team. It's at the end of May. We know from experience that no one stands a chance against them when they join forces.   
  
Oops. Just checked my phone, I have three missed calls and seven texts. Got a little caught up in this. I should go...I don't want to but I should.  
  
You stay safe. I miss you. I love you.  
  
Love,  
Your Ben

 

*

 

 _From:_ A. Hux

 _To:_ B. Solo

Wednesday, 04/06/2016

 

Ben,

I am sitting here - the sun has set already and it’s getting chilly really fast, there’s a floodlight just by the gate and every time the patrol walks by it casts long creepy shadows on the tent wall - and I am trying to come up with words to tell you how _glad_ I am you’re there, reading my letters, waiting for them, for me. It’s like a part of me never left home and it makes all this so much easier. You’re just a thought away, I read your letters and close my eyes and you’re here - or perhaps I am with you. I don’t think I would want you here. The military life and the routine on the base is strict, and while it gives me an almost comfortable feeling of security - like the sidelines on the road, keeping you driving straight so that you can go the faster - I think to you it would feel too constricting. You’re from a different mould than me, and I love that about you. Through your eyes, I get to see a world I couldn’t ever imagine before you.

(Plus, I definitely wouldn’t want you anywhere near here. Too many people too eager to meet you. I learned to live with people ogling you on the streets but they at least never saw you shirtless before they met you at all!)

It’s good thing we’re getting married - perhaps then you’ll believe me when I say that I never would, and I’ll never want to, leave you. I know I am guilty of trying - it certainly looked like that when I’ve thrown you out of the flat - but deep down I didn’t want you to go. I don’t know what I was thinking - hoping that you’d be some kind of mind-reader, that you’d conjure my innermost thoughts out of my head and know without saying what I really wanted? For someone who prides himself on his brains as much as I do, that was pretty stupid. I don’t wonder my brother and your sister decided to take matters into their own hands because in the weeks we’ve spent apart, I have been downright insufferable.

Yes, they’re quite formidable together, aren’t they? I keep wondering… perhaps you should be keeping an eye on them. Oh god, I just realised I am asking _you_ to be a gentle, subtle chaperone. I could as well just ship them both off to Vegas. Kidding ;-) But between me and you… I remember the very first day of school, when Techie came back home with that too large schoolbag and his eyes starting out of his head and talking about nothing else than a certain Rey Solo for two hours straight. (He _will_ deny it when asked. I tried that:))

I wish the curfew wasn’t approaching so quickly. My unit has been assigned a recon mission tomorrow, we’re going off base for a couple of days. I will look after my men and after myself, don’t worry. I wish I could kiss you goodnight - though you’ll soon be having what, your second morning pot of coffee? I wish I could show you how much I miss you. Oh _how_ I would show you. All night and well into the next day.

I am sending you the correct photo of me tonight. It’s not much, as forewarned. I had to take my helmet off for the photo, even though that’s not regulation - otherwise you won’t be able to see much of my face. Love you.

yours

A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive my shitty manip skills...... *squire hides*


	3. Between April and May

_From:_ Ben Solo

 _To:_ Armitage Hux

 

Friday, 04/22/2016

 

How are you? Sorry it’s been a while since my last email. Or maybe it hasn’t been that long and just feels like it. Did time always move this slow, or is it because you’re gone? I don’t know. I just know that I’m glad I’ve been busy. I miss you so much. And if I could I’d show you _how_ much, with my hands and my mouth and my arms and my…

Are you blushing yet? ;)

The KOR had a series of performances over the past week. They went well but I feel like I’ve been churned out through a pasta maker. It reminds me of the days when I’d be back late from a show or practice and shower and get into bed with you and…come to think of it, I don’t know if I woke you up or if you stayed up waiting, but you’d reach over and pull me to you. If you were awake enough you’d stroke my hair until we fell asleep. I loved those nights. Even before your place was our place, lying next to you felt like coming home.

I did some research on care packages. I’ve got a little pile started on the kitchen table and I’m going to pick up a box tomorrow. Techie and Rey are going to include some things. They’ll have their report cards by the time I mail it, so expect those. Yes, Rey’s too, because heaven forbid we not know her scores are just as high as Techie’s. Also, and good luck getting her to admit this, but I think she admires you. She might even like you a bit.

Some days I run into your landlady. She’s something else. In a good way. Did you know she knows my dad? I’m going to have to get her to tell me some embarrassing stories about him. (Everyone who’s met him has at least one.) Revenge for all those years of him showing _everyone_ that horrible school picture of me. You know the one. With the ears.

Just for you, though, I’ll take a picture of it and attach it. You could probably use a good laugh and maybe it’ll make that lusting unit of yours reconsider. :)

Speaking of pictures, how could I forget? The photo you sent – who is that and what has he done with my favorite red hair? Hm. He’s pretty hot though, I should marry him.

Seriously, thank you for that. It was so good to see you in some way. You’re as beautiful as I remember and then some. I printed it and keep it with me all the time, like the sentimental idiot I am.

In other news, in spite of life being a bit hectic, I’m taking care of the place. Though, I keep misplacing things, but it’s all my own stuff don’t worry. You know that black t-shirt, the one that’s stupidly soft because I’ve had it about as long as Rey’s been alive? Can’t find it anywhere. I know dryers are supposed to steal socks, but shirts?

Anyway. I should send this. It’s hard, though, like ending a phone call. Like I’m severing a connection every time I hit send and step away. But I’m glad to know that you’re out there receiving it and that it helps you.

I love you. I miss you. I hope you’re doing well.

Always,

Your Ben

P.S. [Here’s the picture](https://65.media.tumblr.com/a6865660fe8517c2618c27cbb4ad9c1e/tumblr_o1d6t2MC9O1v3lvnmo1_500.jpg). Ugh.

 

*

 

 _From:_  Armitage Hux

 _To:_  Ben Solo

 

Sunday, 04/24/2016

 

Darling Ben,

A better man than me would say “oh, what a cute photograph,” and then would respectfully never bring it up again. As it is, I cracked up with laughter so hard that it attracted the attention of people in the tent next to this and let me tell you, if you weren’t their mascot before, you most certainly are now.

I should reply to your letter in order, though.

Blushing? Oh I did. But you wouldn’t be able to tell. It appears I need several grades stronger sunblock than the others do. The nickname “Red” was never more fitting. Yesterday I started to peel and my nose itches like hell. That chicken pox episode several years ago seems like a bed of roses when compared to this. The curse of gingers.

And yup, my hair got a bit sunbleached too. But don’t worry. Once I am back in a country that understands the concept of clouds, the bleached bits will soon grow out. I should be getting a haircut soon anyway, that length you saw was a bit over the top.  

I remember those nights you wrote about. Some times I would be still awake, my head refusing to put work aside even though I shut off the laptop hours ago. Sometimes it was the click of the door that woke me, and the sound of water running, and that wretched old tank in the bathroom cracking and gurgling. (You’re right, I should order a new one.) But no matter how tired or drowsy I was, I just couldn’t fall asleep properly unless you were tucked under my arm so I could breathe in the smell of your hair. I thought at first I’d be unused to sharing a bed - especially with someone as big as you - it was four berth rooms on the Academy while I was Cadet and as officers we still bunked in twos - but it was like you always belonged there. I used to be a light sleeper, waking early, happier to study or work rather than to lie in. There was no purpose to it before, you see? And then you came along and… you know. You did complain of me using you as a human pillow so many times. Don’t think I’ll stop. I don’t plan to.

Care packages - you should see the fuss here when someone gets one and others feel envious they didn’t get anything. Please, put something there I can share with others. Some food condiments - nothing perishable though - would be most welcome. Ready made meals tend to be… uninspiring.

You can go ahead and tell Rey I like her too. And not just because she’s always been good to Techie, a rare friend when he needed one. I think she’ll make it far one day.

Oh so you’ve met Ms. Kanata! It was really only matter of time because in establishing herself as the landlady of a large appartment building she’s found her calling as a spy for some yet undisclosed secret intelligence. She snoops and pries and she’s such a sweet old lady you never notice, and if you do, you can’t even stay mad at her. She does no harm, she just really likes to _know_ things. Better tell her everything she wants to know right away, you’ll save yourself the pursuing. She gets to the bottom of everything, eventually. I do not wonder she knows something compromising about your dad. She knows something like that about everyone in this city.

(Be wary of her boyfriend though. Yeah, apparently she has one, even at her age. Maybe at some point - after the first thousand of years or so - you just stop give a fuck about aging and start enjoying what you can. Her boyfriend is something else too. Speaks such horrible accent I’ve never uderstood a word from his mouth, hasn’t shaved since the sixties probably and is so tall that he doesn’t fit in the doorframe.)

Your black t-shirt? Oh, that’s just sad. I didn’t know it was _that_ old. But it explains why it smells so nice…oops. Yes, I plead guilty. I took it with me. It’s not as soft as your hair but at this point I am willing to make do with anything. Go ahead and laugh but sometimes I can’t fall asleep without putting that on. I imagine it’s you hugging me in your sleep, like you always did when you kicked away the covers during your tossing and turning and then ended up sprawled all over me like my own personal blanket.

I miss that, and I miss you. Love you.

A.

 

*

 

 _From:_ Ben Solo

 _To:_ Armitage Hux

 

Tuesday 04/26/2016

 

Hey ‘Tidge,

This is going to be a quick one. Dad agreed to help move some things for a friend, and somehow recruited me, and I recruited half of the KOR and...it’s going to be an interesting day.

Oh, sweetheart, I wish I could rub aloe lotion onto your sunburn and kiss your cute pink nose. Take care of yourself in that heat, okay? I know I don’t need to tell you that but I feel better if I do.

Do you want me to talk to Ms. Kanata about the water heater? I could do that and get it installed and everything. It’ll be getting cold when you get home and so I’m sure we’ll get a lot of use out of it.

For showering. Nothing else, of course. ;)

Thank you for telling me you have the shirt. I thought I was losing my mind. I’m glad you have it. You always look so good in my shirts…that mental image is going to get me through the day.

I miss you using me as a pillow, and a blanket, and anything else. I miss you.

Love,

Ben

 

*

 

 

 _From:_  Armitage Hux

 _To:_  Ben Solo

  _Sometime to the end of May_

 

Hey Ben,

You up for Skype this week? I reserved a slot in the evening, it’ll be morning where you are. Techie and Rey could come over before school and you could drive them after so they won’t be late. I miss seeing your face so much, and hearing your voice even more. I’ve been staring even at that ears picture of yours for what feels like too much - ooooh, and now I just realised that your voice must have been still breaking when this photo was taken, wasn’t it? I am trying to imagine you in falsetto and am giggling all over again. I am incorrigible, I know. You’ll have to live with that:) Love, A.

 

*

 

 

 **A List of Care Package Contents** _(inside the box in case the package needs to be repacked during shipping)_ :

 

1 Tupperware container of shortbread cookies

2 – 12-ct boxes lemonade drink mix

Ziplock bag containing:

           40 individual packets ketchup

           20 individual packets mustard

           20 individual packets ground chili powder

           10 individual packets wasabi

1 travel-sized container aloe gel

1 – 4-ct pack lip balm

1 travel-sized container shampoo

1 medium envelope containing:

           Pages from local newspaper

           20 photographs

           2 school report cards

           2 postcards

1 pack of playing cards

1 small envelope

1 t-shirt

 

_Dear Armie,_

_I hope this package reaches you safely. Rey and Techie helped me put it together. I wish we could have fit more, we’ll have to send another one soon. The cookies, lemonade and condiments are for you to share with your unit. Mom did quite a bit of research on what baked goods keep the best. She’d appreciate any feedback they have. :) Everything else is self-explanatory, I think. We hope you like it. I’d write more but this card is so small and I’ll be emailing again soon anyway. We miss you and love you._

_Love,_

_Ben_

_Techie_

_Rey_

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Hux will be opening the care package. There's also gonna be a Skype call - and more incriminating photographs. Stay tuned :)


	4. Skype Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The photo of sunburnt Hux, courtesy of internet and some low opacity red brush.

The image in the call window blinked from dark to a terribly pixelized and overexposed face and Rey nearly jumped a foot above the chair armrest she was perching on when Techie exclaimed:

“Hey - hey, it’s on! It’s Armie - hey Armie, do you - oh shit, he’s frozen!”

Ben leaned forward to fast he nearly upset the precarious balance of their chair.“What?”

Rey righted herself and squinted at the screen. Hux was there - just his face and the top line of his shoulders, in some kind of camo shirt, earbuds in his ears and mouth open mid-word, there was the electronic crackle on the open line, but the image wasn’t moving.

 

 

Hux’s voice from the speakers sounded a bit tinny but clear: “Hold on!” Rey could hear typing. “Sorry guys, nothing to be done about that. The connection is crap tonight. I can see you all right, even though a bit slow and blurry at times. Can you hear me at least?”

“We can see you, sort of, you’re just frozen,” Techie said. “Wow, you got a haircut!”

“It’s a cute picture though,” observed Rey. “It’s there some red lightbulb or are you really so–”

Ben put a hand over her mouth and overenunciated to cover up her spluttering: “And you’re hearing us all right?”

There was a snorting sound that told Rey that Hux had seen right through Ben’s attempt at diversion. “I read you loud and clear. So what have you guys been up to?”

Rey freed her mouth and shrugged. “Oh you know, the usu–”

But she didn’t get to finish. From other side of Ben’s chair there was a sound of a deep breath taken in and then the Techie-dam burst.

“Oh Armie, there’s so many things I want to tell you! So that first month Ben took us to the zoo. You know how father never wanted to go there because it’s just a small one and not worth it and then he was never free to take me to a proper one, anyways. It’s been such fun. I thought that there would be, you know, a paddock with one animal species and another paddock with another species but it’s so much cooler. They have these expositions, like natural habitats, and there they keep different animals that would or could live together in the wild too–”

“–assuming they don’t eat the others–” Rey put in but Techie couldn’t be stopped.

“–of  _ course _ but hey you wouldn’t believe how many fish are just fine in the tank with the sharks, like, either they’re too small to be considered prey or they’re actually poisonous–”

“I’ll never be able to watch Finding Nemo again...” muttered Ben. Rey could sympathise with him. Techie didn’t care.

“–and so there were emus and kangaroos and groundhogs and llamas all in the same paddock and you can walk right through that, no fences!”

It seemed like Hux was laughing. Hard to tell without visual proof but there was definitely a teasing tone to his voice when he asked: “Guess they keep the big cats behind bars at least, don’t they?”

“No bars!” Techie corrected. “Just large safety glass from floor to ceiling. One of the toddlers kept knocking at it and then the lion got fed up with it and threw itself against the glass, fangs out and everything - pretty big bang yeah but not even a crack, just the toddler shrieking like a fire alarm.”

“And parents who’d up to then let him disturb the animal despite the big Do Not sign on the glass whining and threatening to sue the zoo,” added Ben.

Rey wanted a word too. “Though the lion’s compartment seemed bit on the small side to me. That can’t be good for the animals.”

“It depends on the species, actually,” Techie turned away from the screen to her. Rey bit her cheek to keep from smiling. Always so ready to pick up a debate, even during a call with his long-missed brother Techie would drop everything just to quarrel with her. She’d never tell him but sometimes she provoked him deliberately - Techie looked so passionate and serious when arguing, it was cute.

“You don’t need to keep a big predator like a lion in a large space because they can kill anything that gets too close and they know it so they feel safe anywhere. But a prey animal like a gazelle needs to have some space to run to should it ever feel attacked and when it hasn’t it’s stressed even though there aren’t any attacks happening,” Techie slipped into full lecture mode.

“You do know I read that too, don’t you,” Rey smirked. The zoo information panels were scattered throughout the place and Techie read every single one.

“That doesn’t seem like so small a zoo when they’ve got lions and sharks,” Hux remarked.

“And a cheetah, too!” Techie exclaimed, remembering the call and everything. “And manta rays and giraffes and–”

“And a nice lookout tower,” Rey said, trying and failing to keep the mischief out of her voice.

Ben groaned. “Traitor. I believed in you.”

“What happened?” asked Hux. “Techie’s all right with heights, always has been–”

“Oh yeah  _ he is! _ ” Rey continued, crossing her arms and turning her nose up. It was so good to one-up her brother at least sometimes.

“I really think a change of topic–” Ben tried but it was too late.

“... _ Ben?! _ ” sounded a tinny, incredulous crackle from the speakers.

“The upper levels kept shaking in the wind!” Ben grumbled defensively.

“Didn’t even make it to the top,” Rey said, deliberately adding insult to the injury. “We had to flank him on our way back down and keep talking to him so he wouldn’t look down and freeze all over again.”

“That could happen to anyone you know,” Techie admonished her.

“Oh Ben,” cooed Hux, and it definitely sounded as if he was giggling. “I would have thought being a dancer–”

“Dancing usually involves the ground, ‘Tidge. I don’t do aerial silks or some other suspended bullshit,” Ben explained, still a bit embarrassed but grinning all the same. He was good sport with things like this - never trying to act cool or pretend to be perfect in front of Rey - and that’s why she knew she could show no mercy when teasing him.

Techie, on the other hand, tried to valiantly step up to Ben’s defense: “I see you Rey, being so modestly silent about the bat pavilion...”

“Forget the bat pavilion, your brother’s gone silent,” Rey said quickly. It was true. The speakers were suspiciously mute.

“Hey pumpkin, you still with us?” Ben asked.

There was a faint sound of throat clearing: “Yeah sure, go on….”

A realisation dawned on Rey: “Uh oh. You mentioned aerial silks. I’m afraid our dear Armitage is now rebooting.”

Techie and Ben looked at her with almost comical twin expressions of embarrassment: “Rey!!”

The silence on the other end had a definite guilty feel to it. At last, Hux said: “Erm. I think it’s the world’s bitter loss that you’re uncomfortable with heights, Ben. Aerial silks would be… wow.” His voice was almost dreamy.

Next to her, Ben went from embarrassed and besotted to coy and blushing so quickly that Rey shook her head with a huff. “Congrats Armitage on making my brother redder than you are.”

“You’re ruthless,” Techie groaned. “I can’t believe I’m–”

“What?” Rey frowned at him when the sentence unexpectedly ended with a gulp. Techie looked quickly down on his lap and muttered quickly: “Never mind.” Then he leaned forward again, eagerness lighting up his whole face:

“Have you got our package yet?”

“As it happens I have,” came the laughter from the other side. “I was waiting for tonight to open it. Saving the surprise. Would you like me to do it now?”

“Yes!” Rey, Techie and Ben said in almost perfect unison. “It’s just a damn shame I can’t see your face, pumpkin,” Ben complained.

“I’ll be keeping up a commentary,” Hux soothed him. There was the sound of a tape being torn off and a cardboard being cut through and some rustling.

“Oh, there’s a list - and a message. Wait a bit.”

There was a pause as Hux read the message, the three on the other end leaning towards the screen in anticipation.

“Your Mom’s cookies? To share with my unit? That’s a blasphemy.” More rustling followed. “Let them have the… what’s this… ketchup, mustard… oh Thanisson will  _ love  _ that chilli… heh, yeah, let them have all the wasabi. I am keeping the cookies.”

Ben and Rey beamed.

“I can’t wait to tell mom,” Rey said, “you just made her week.”

“Keep going,” Techie prompted, so Hux did.

“Aah, aloe gel. Well that’s  _ most _ appreciated. Pity it doesn’t come with you to apply it on my face. How such a big Yeti like you can have such a gentle touch like you have is a mystery but my face misses it a lot.”

Rey groaned at the flirting. She glanced over to see Techie blushing and looking awkwardly around the room, equally embarassed. Meanwhile, Ben was sporting a fond, if a bit wobbly, smile.

“I’ll just have to make up for it when you’re back, pumpkin. I-” Rey swatted at his arm and he reined himself in.

Hux chuckled and then began to open something else.

“What’s this, a shampoo? But that’s not the brand I use– that’s  _ yours _ \- oh  _ Ben. _ ” They heard the sound of a cap pop open followed by a soft sniffing. “Hmmmm. Guess this’ll have to do… God, I miss you so damn much.”

Ben took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he struggled not to get too emotional.

“I miss you too,” he managed, his voice cracking. There was a pause from the other end, then a throat clearing.

“What’s in here?” There was a rustle of something paper being opened. “Is that the honor roll from your school, Techie? Rey Solo on top as well - oh kids, I am so damn proud of you both. You’ve sent your report cards, too - hah, very nice! Bloody good job, both of you. Oh, pardon my language. The unit speak is rubbing off on me.”

Rey and Techie exchanged grins, proud of each other as well as themselves.

“Well, I did have a great study partner,” Techie blurted, and Rey nearly fell off the edge of the chair. Techie fiddled with the hem of his shirt but resolutely did not take back the compliment. “Go on, Armie, there’s more.”

“Geez, so many photographs - where to start? Oh, the lions… I see, that’s the zoo. You’ve been taking pictures on your phone, Ben, haven’t you? Good thing you’ve got a camera with decent resolution.”

“Yeah, I’ve been using it more. So I could show you things that went on at home while you’re gone. They’re uh...not all recent photos in there, though.”

Suddenly Hux made a sound somewhere between a gasp and a laugh and they knew he’d found the rest of the photos.

“Oooh, the infamous ears photo in all its incriminating glory.  _ Now _ I have proof for all the naysayers believing I photoshopped that one. And this one is… oh.” The amusement in Hux’s voice was replaced with fondness. “It’s us… I didn’t even know you had your camera on at the time… Frankly I look ridiculous here… You’re gorgeous as usual… Ben, sweetheart.”

“I thought you looked cute,” Ben countered, speaking quickly to mask the shake in his voice, “I couldn’t help it, you had such a focused expression… It’s one of my favorites of us, actually, I’m sorry I never showed it to you…”

Hux must have been able to sense his struggle, and gently interrupted.

“It’s alright, darling. I’d better look at what else is in the box.” A pause, then, “postcards from the zoo! Good idea of you two to put it into the package. Just the other week I read in the papers about a postcard that got delivered fifty years late.”

“What?!” Rey interjected, intrigued.

“I’ll tell you all about it sometime,” Hux promised.

They listened to him carefully return the envelope’s contents and remove something else from the box.

“Another envelope? It’s marked personal… oh.  _ Oh. _ ”

There was  a long silence, then something suspiciously like a suppressed sob. Ben made an aborted motion towards the screen, as if the desire to comfort momentarily overrode the knowledge that Hux wasn’t actually there.

Rey reached behind him and gently tapped Techie’s shoulder. They exchanged solemn nods, slipped off of the chair and snuck out of the room. Ben didn’t even notice them leave, his eyes glued to Hux’s frozen image.

“You figured it out…” Hux finally said. “I guess I wasn’t very subtle after all. Yeah, I really love your hair… but it’s only because it’s yours, you know? I’ll have to come up with a place to keep it.”

“It was getting too long, even for me, so when I went to get it cut, I just...saved a piece,” Ben explained, his voice growing thick with emotion. “Too bad you can’t send me an envelope full of freckles,” he tried to joke, but without an audience his guard was down and his tears began to flow freely.

Hux responded with a wet laugh. For a moment they were both unable to speak but Ben heard him slipping the lock of hair back into the envelope and knew he hadn’t gone yet.

“Oh, there’s something at the bottom? Your t-shirt! I know this one - it’s your favourite. Wait…” Ben leaned closer and listened to the soft rustle of fabric followed by a hitched breath. “It...it still smells a bit like…” Hux’s voice was rough. “Oh baby, you’re so… so perfect.”

“Please don’t cry, pumpkin, please,” Ben knew it was pointless to say, and that crying while he said it hardly gave him room to talk, but from the handful of times he’d ever seen Hux cry in their time together, it was possibly his least favorite thing in the world.

“I’ll stop if you do,” Hux replied.

“Looks like we’re both screwed, then.”

They laughed, two pathetic, shaky sounds, but it felt  _ so good _ to laugh together again. Ben sniffled and rubbed at his eyes.

“I don’t have much time left,” Hux said with a sigh.

“I-it’s okay. I know. I have to get those two to school anyway.”

“They’ve gotten pretty close lately, haven’t they?”

“Even more, now that you’re there and Techie’s missed you. Rey tries to make sure he’s never alone for too long. Of course, I tried to bring it up to her, but you can imagine how that went. Anyway, they’re both okay. More than okay. They’re great.”

“And you?”

“I’m...okay.”

“Oh, Ben…”

“I’m  _ fine _ , I just...I miss you baby, so, so much.”

“I miss you too, and...oh, damn, I do have to go, but listen, I have to say this.” Hux sounded uncharacteristically frantic for a moment. “I love you. Did you hear that? I’ll say it again to be sure.  _ I love you _ . You remember that, okay?”

“I l-love you too. Take care of yourself. Promise me?”

“I promise. Write to me again soon, please, as soon as you can. I love you.”

“I will. I love you.”

“Until next time, darling.”

The apartment had never seemed so silent as in those few moments after the call ended. Ben stared at the screen a little longer, sniffling quietly, until Rey and Techie cautiously returned and wrapped him in a hug from either side.

 

 

 


	5. Joys of Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For readers worried that there are large time gaps between letters: they do write each other quite regularly, never getting late with a reply more than two or three days. We are just showing the highlights :)

_From:_ A. Hux

 _To:_ B. Solo

 

Saturday 06/04/2016

 

My amazing, wonderful Ben,

_ thank you _ . Truly. Not just for the package - though you’ve seen how much that affected me. To find out how well you can read me even through the bland lines of a letter, to have sent me a literal piece of you… how did I get so lucky to have met you? I better not ask - I’m just going to cherish that for the rest of my life.

But what I really want to thank you for is how good you are to Techie. I know I can’t look out for him forever - he’s growing up after all, and really fast - but it’s such a tremendous relief to know you’re there for him just like I would like to be. Seeing him so excited and happy during that Skype call - is that your experience with teaching at the community centre what makes you so good with kids?

You know Techie hasn’t got it easy. You know how my father is. No matter what we do, we are disappointments - me for who my mother is, and Techie because of his disposition. I can’t wait for the day Techie will be legally free to go whenever he likes.

I am sitting here wearing your old t-shirt under my fatigues and the one you’ve sent lies folded under my pillow, waiting. It won’t keep the lovely smell of yours long - would you believe that there’s 12 shower heads for about 6000 personnell here on the base? - but I’ll be able to recall it so much better for a good while afterwards.

Which reminds me, yes, you’ve got free hand in fixing the shower in our flat, just make sure Ms. Kanata knows about that and approves. Her beau might even be able to help you, I’ve heard he’s good with plumbing and the like. To me he looks more like good to smash fixtures with a sledgehammer but he could have hidden depths. Somewhere under all that hair.

I am so looking forward to more than seven minutes shower time once a week. With no sergeant to bang on the pipes when I take longer. I intend to really enjoy my first shower at home. Preferably with you present and attending. Make sure you don’t have anything else booked on that evening because I plan to get you in there and wash and kiss and worship every inch of you.  _ Every _ .  _ Inch. _

I love you. Counting days to seeing you again.

A.

 

*

 

_ From: _  B. Solo

_ To: _  A. Hux

 

Sunday 06/05/2016

 

Baby, if I hadn’t already been planning to get the shower fixed, that last email would have changed my mind so fast…

The day you get home I am yours, yours, yours, all day and night and into the next day. Anything you want. I can’t wait to get my hands on you, you gorgeous thing. I’ll rub your neck and shoulders and back just the way you like and grab your hips and lift you up the way I know you  _ secretly _ like, don’t think I haven’t noticed the look in your eyes…

And I’ll hold you. That’s what I want to do more than anything. Just that, for as long as you’ll let me.

You don’t have to thank me for looking out for Techie. He’s your brother and soon he’ll be mine, too. And he’s been a good friend to Rey. She needs one more than she’ll admit, she’s so independent it gets sort of isolating, you know? And she can be intimidating to people who don’t know her (remember the poor kid who tried to hold her hand once?) so it’s always been tough for her to make friends. But Techie just  _ gets _ her. She’s always happier with him.

Don’t tell her I said any of that.

Anyway. He’s a great kid and I’m more than happy to have him around. Which brings me to some news for you. My parents are thinking about doing a long weekend at the lake this summer. My uncle, the one who’s practically a hermit, has a cabin where we can stay. Mom offered for us to invite Techie and I think it’s a great idea. Do you think your father will let him go? How do we go about asking? I’ll be honest, I don’t give half a fuck if he approves, but I don’t want Techie to get in trouble.

Other than that, the summer is off to a busy start. The shop is doing good business and the summer dance programs I’m teaching start this week. Between that and KOR practice and a bunch of performances lined up…as Rey so kindly put it, I don’t have much time to mope around over missing you.

What she doesn’t know is I don’t need time to miss you, it’s just…a state of being.

But it won’t be forever, I know that. The Skype call helped. It reminded me that you’re out there, real and living and thinking of me, not just words on a screen.

Take care of yourself. I love you.

Ben

 

*

 

_ From: _  A. Hux

_ To: _  B. Solo

 

Thursday 07/14/2016

 

To my favourite piece of man-cake,

(yes, I haven’t forgotten about that, and yes, I’m never going to let you live it down.:))

Summer has begun in earnest here and things have slowed down a bit. Or it’s just the boredom that settles in after everything new and exciting becomes a routine? I could tell you a bit from our life here - nothing too specific as usual. An infantryman was banned from missions for five days the other week because of the blog he was writing on the internet. Some of the guys on the larger bases never actually get out and they seem to think the enemy rides donkeys and waves popguns. What a surprise when a suicide bomber sneaks into a mess hall because they could use the internet and had their route laid out for them by intelligence leaking idiots. Don’t worry, that happened several years ago. Serves as a warning.

The days are hot, and everything takes so long on the base. Walking to get your rations, or to the field kitchen that serves hot food if it’s your lucky day. Long Friday lines for the showers. Walking to the laundry service tent, then to the other end of the base to the post office to collect packages for your unit… it heaps upon into miles per day. Everyone swatting flies and talking about why they still have to wear sweltering chemical suits and body armor when this base is safer than some neighborhoods in our city.

It’s not just combat units here. Support units that are expected to remain behind when the soldiers go home, and of course military civil affairs teams. Their job is reconstruction and with the approach of the hottest and driest months they have fanned out into surrounding villages where they work on distributing water.

Oh, water. Do you remember that summer we went to the spa resort because you’d partially torn the tendons in your arm after too much training? You were supposed to spend your days there soaking in mineral water, mud baths, hot tubs, and not worry your injured arm outside of therapy. Which was probably why you tossed me into the hotel pool on the very first day. What was your reason again? That I looked “cute” when dripping wet and fuming like an angry cat, you said. Or was it because I attempted to take my work with me and you couldn’t stand to watch me typing away on my tablet when I was supposed to relax? I know, darling. It’s been too often like that with me, and I’m afraid that it’s something you’ll have to deal with in the future, too. But I did enjoy our time there, very much. Shamelessly using your arm injury as an excuse to hand feed you breakfasts and sweets. Massaging away the pain after the rounds of physical therapy. I love touching you, feeling your skin, you always give out so much heat. It’s like touching the thrumming ground around a hot spring, a thin layer of soft soil over never sleeping force of nature - oh, I am getting terribly sentimental again. It was great, that time. I think we could do it again someday, just for comfort. I’d even let you toss me into the pool again:)

There’s never enough water around here. Well, what would one expect in a desert. Desert things: giant camel spiders (if you don’t know what it is, don’t Google it), children loitering around guard posts yelling requests for sweets and money, black clouds from the oil refinery burning a hundred miles away swallowing half the sky.

Actually, you can imagine that one - think of that incident with the duck roast, only on a larger scale. What the poor bird had ever done to you that you tried to incinerate it in our kitchen I shall never know - but you were so devastated afterwards, black smeared all over your face and soot lumps falling from your hair, shuffling your feet like a schoolboy and trying to not let me into the kitchen to see the disaster area. I should have been furious - we’d been living together for barely a month at the time and already you’ve set off the fire alarm - but I simply couldn’t be. I know I tried to act unimpressed but that attempt got busted the moment Techie walked through the door, dropping by on his way from school, and upon seeing the smoke and soot-version of you he said “Taking after your mom I see” and I lost it. I don’t know what was funnier, Techie’s perfect cool or your spluttering outrage, but it was hilarious.

I had some of my best laughs with you. All of them, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed in my life as much and as freely as with you.

You asked in one of our early letters - sorry my replies are so erratic - what the food is like and if the coffee is up to my standards. Well. The MREs - meal ready to eat, sorry, the army acronyms everything - they have exactly one redeeming quality: they don’t take much time to eat. The quicker you shove down your meal, the more time you have to sneak in a nap.

The other week we stopped at a local eatery because our Iraqi guide wanted to get some food. I had a roasted chicken with pickled veggies and flat bread, and a fruit salad. It was a bit hot - everything local tastes vaguely after chilli - and I am not sure if the salad was meant to be fermented or it was just old - but the fact that we were on a twelve hour mission with just protein bars to keep us going made it seem heavenly.

The Iraqis make great coffee but having seen the waters in Iraq, I wouldn’t dare to accept an invite. So I am left at the mercy of the instant coffee packets that come with breakfast. Again, the only good thing about it is the time save. Just this morning I just ate the coffee and washed it down with water. It gets the job done and it’s better than taking pills. 

Oh, it will be pumpkin spice latte season when I get home, won’t it. I swear I can hear your giggling over the distance. But I am quite looking forward to your pumpkin soup and squash pie and - oh, better not to think much about your amazing cooking, it makes me miss you even more.

How was your stay at the lake cabin? Thanks again for taking Techie with you. I hope your plans have gone through all right. As far as I know Maratelle, she doesn’t give a fuck what’s Techie doing as long as he’s not bothering her. And once you had her permission my father shouldn’t have been kicking up a fuss - he’s very dedicated to his role of the doting and adoring husband even though he usually makes sure his wife doesn’t have a say in anything.

I better end this before it turns into a novel. I love you, Ben. I miss you very much.

Yours

A.

 

*

 

_From:_  B. Solo  


_ To: _  A. Hux

Tuesday 07/19/2016

 

My dear, sunburned sweetheart,  
  
We’re back from the lake! I’ll tell you all about it in a bit but first let me respond to what you wrote. I read it several times – thank you for sharing as much as you could. I like hearing what you’re up to and trying to picture what you’re seeing and doing. And I like to know that you’re safe.  
  
Your emails make me realize a lot of things. First, how much I take for granted here. The food, the shower, the usually reasonable temperatures, things like that. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad for telling me. In fact, I should thank you. There are so many things I might never have thought about if it wasn’t for you. You’ve enriched my life so much, in so many ways I can’t begin to tell you.  
  
Anyway that brings me to another thing your messages make me realize, or remember maybe, since I already knew it, which is how incredible you are. Smart and brave and reliable. They’re lucky to have you there. I’m lucky to have you the rest of the time.

  
You’re so good to me. I'm going to spoil you rotten when you get home, okay? Food, showers, massages, a lap dance. (I'm only half joking about that last one. Just don't ask me to do aerial silks). Anything you want. Anything to make you smile. Your smile is the most beautiful thing in the world. I know you don’t give the warm, lovely parts of yourself like that to just anyone. Thank you for giving them to me. I love you so much and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.  
  
Now who’s getting sentimental, right?  
  
Okay, the lake. It went great. Techie lit up when we asked him. He later told Rey that he started packing a bag the moment he got home that evening. (I have a lot of strong feelings about how eager he was to get out of that house for a few days, but I’ll save those for another time. Besides, you already know.)  
  
We left first thing Friday morning and stayed through Monday evening. It was about a two and a half hour drive. The cabin was nice, right against the woods with a dock leading out to the water. It had a living space and kitchenette, bathroom, and two bedrooms, one with a large bed for my parents and the other with bunk beds for Rey and Techie. The sofa in the main area pulls out into another bed, that’s where I slept.  
  
We went hiking and swimming of course. In the evenings we had bonfires and dad even brought some sparklers to light. Techie had a book about plants and he and Rey spent several hours finding different plant species like the little nerds they are. It was cute.  
  
We made sure to use bug spray and sunblock, dressed appropriately, avoided poison ivy, and the food we brought was all stuff Techie could eat, mom made sure of it. He was in good hands and baby, you should have seen him out there. Splashing around with Rey and laughing at my dad’s stupid jokes and letting mom teach him how to skip stones. He’s part of the family now, you both are.  
  
We want to go again next year, with you there too. How does that sound? I’d love to toss you into the lake. ;)  
  
Thanks for reminding me of that time at the spa. That’s one of my favorite memories with you, and not just because you spent the whole time fussing over me (which was nice) or because you look so cute in swim trunks (which you do). But because we were alone together and I got to see you relax.  
  
I know you’ll be busy, and you’ll stay up working instead of coming to bed and even that you might have to be gone like this again, though I don’t like to think about it. And you know sometimes I’ll have to sneak out early for practice or come back late from performances or be gone a weekend here and there. Just know that to me it’s worth it to get to be with you.  
  
Soon we should figure out where to go for our honeymoon. Is there anywhere you'd really like to see? I've been saving up for it the best I can. Rey, who will _never_ let me forget the zoo lookout tower incident, suggested somewhere with ziplining. She and Techie found that much funnier than I did.  
  
Anywhere I go with you manages to be interesting. Remember the time I dragged you along to that competition the KOR had in Chicago? We'd been dating, I don't know, maybe a year and a half? When the guys and I got lost trying to find somewhere to eat and you noticed we weren't backstage and had to come rescue us. In the process we missed the competition and ended up on an impromptu walking tour of the city. It should have been awful, all that time and money spent getting there and not even competing. It ended up being wonderful. You were like this...beacon. You were there and it was all okay. You weren't even upset that you'd given up your weekend. The group wanted to hire you as our new manager on the spot.  
  
I remember standing on the pier with my arms around you, because you were freezing even though you kept insisting you were fine. It was March, pumpkin, we really should have packed you a scarf and hat...anyway, you might not remember what you said to me but I'll never forget it. You said, "next time you're lost just call me, you idiot," and I said "yeah, well next time you're cold just tell me."  
  
That stayed with me. Maybe because it sums us up so well.  
  
I could sit here reminiscing all day but I should go, my class at the center starts in less than an hour. I'll be thinking about you. Have a good week okay?  
  
I love you and I miss you.  
  
Your Ben.

 

*

 

_From:_  B. Solo  


_ To: _  A. Hux

Tuesday 07/26/2016

 

Hey 'Tidge,   
  
Just wanted to make sure that last email reached you. I know the connection isn't always great. If you need I can resend it. I talked about the lake, I know you wanted to hear about that. :)  
  
I love you.  
  
Ben   


 

*

 

 

_From:_  B. Solo  


_ To: _  A. Hux

Friday 07/29/2016

 

Hi baby,   
I know you're busy but I really need you to send something, just to let me know you're okay. Please?   
  
Ben

 

 

 


	6. Guilt

_From:_  A. Hux

 _To:_  B. Solo

Saturday 07/30/2016

 

Ben, darling,

I’m so sorry. Please, don’t worry. I’m fine. I am sorry I made you worried.

I have been unavailable for a time and couldn’t tell you in advance because it all happened rather unexpectedly. Well. It’s awkward.

A new batch of rookies arrived recently and some of them draftees, fresh as newly hatched chickens. They’ve been giving me regular headaches for several days in a row and their commander has been turning a blind eye to it. We had an argument and in the end I couldn’t rein myself in and socked him a few. Was put into the brig for a week. No computer of course.

Speak about smart, brave and realiable…Well, it’s over now, and I am all yours again.

Because I am, you know? Yours, always. There’s nothing I would rather be doing right now than holding you and telling you that eye to eye, kissing it into your mouth.

I just got into my tent after they let me out and this is the first thing I am doing, writing you. I skimmed over your beautiful letter, I will save it for the evening when there’ll be time to reply properly… But now there’s so much work I have to catch up on, I don’t know where to start.

I’ve been wishing so much that telepathy was a thing and I was able to use it when I was unable to write, I kept thinking about you and how I was disappointing you. I am really so sorry.

Ben, please, remember this. I love you more than I thought I was able to love anyone. You make me happier than I thought I was ever going to be. Even if I can’t be with you, you have my heart. I used to think, before I met you, that it was a very poor part of me, insignificant and dismissable. There were other things I used to be proud of, my brains, talents, diligence. So many things that can be gone in a flash… but this, what we have, this remains, doesn’t it? I think now that what you have of me is perhaps the best thing I’ll ever be.

I love you.

yours,

Armitage

 

*

 

 

 _From:_  B. Solo

 _To:_  A. Hux

Saturday 07/30/2016

 

‘Tidge baby  _ thank god you’re okay. _ You’re okay. I can’t stop saying it to myself. I think this is the first time I’ve been able to breathe in over a week.

You’re okay.

I know, I’m being dramatic, but I was so scared. So terrified I’d have a letter in the mail or whatever it is they do these days. I can’t even think about that now. You’re okay.

Please stay that way. From now until you come back to me. I know you can’t really promise me but  _ please try _ . I couldn’t handle a week of not knowing, how could I handle…fuck, this is hard. I just want you here right now. I know you’re okay but it’s not enough, I want to see you, feel you, hear your voice.

Also…listen, I know you, and the you I know wouldn’t just…punch a new recruit? Even an annoying one.  And you definitely wouldn’t get yourself locked up in the brig for a week. You’d never be so reckless. Hux,  _ what happened? _

You don’t have to shield me. Is that what you’re trying to do? I get that rambling about how scared I was doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, but you’re acting different and I can tell and you’re scaring me  _ more _ . I’d rather know the truth even if it’s upsetting. Please just be honest with me.

Unless you can’t? Is it something you aren’t allowed to tell me? If it’s that, then that’s okay, just say so. Don’t feel like you have to make things up. Please.

I probably sound angry. I’m not angry, but I almost want to be, you know? I used to be so angry all the time because it was easier than feeling everything else. I’m not like that anymore and that’s mostly thanks to you. Because you always made me say how I really felt. Right now I feel relieved but sad and still a little worried, but not angry. How can I be, when I know you’re alright?

What am I doing? I’m going on about that when I should be telling you how much I love you. Because I thought, maybe, that I might not get to tell you ever again and. Make me stop thinking about that, please.

I love you I love you I love you.

And I’m yours too, all of me but especially my heart.

What you said, at the end. I don’t know how to tell you what it meant to me. If you saw my face when I read it you’d know. I’ve always been an open book just like you’ve always been better with words. All I can say is me too, baby, me too. I love you so much and you make me so happy and I am so much better with you than I ever thought was possible. I want to keep loving you and making you happy for the rest of our lives.

Stay safe. Please. If you can, write back soon. I love you.

Your Ben

***

 

 _From:_  C. Hux

 _To:_  A. Hux

Saturday 07/30/2016

 

Dear Armie,

Don’t worry, we haven’t been reading your emails with Ben. But we've got a couple of things to say.

We – Rey is here too. She says hello.

I was going to wait until the next Skype chat to talk to you but this couldn’t wait. Is everything okay? We aren’t stupid, you know. We know something is up, Ben hasn’t been himself lately.

Ben has been a ‘complete wreck’, there, Rey told me to put that. He keeps insisting everything is fine but we know he’s just saying that and we’re worried. He told us yesterday that he heard back from you so we know you’re okay, but he didn’t look so good even then. Red eyes and stuff like that.

Rey says if you dumped him over email she’s going to come over there and ‘deck you like Ben was supposed to from the start’.

I don’t think that’s what happened. She doesn’t really either. We’re just worried. About both of you. Why is it that we always have to clean up your messes anyway? Aren’t you two the adults?

Take care, Armie.

With love,

Techie

(and Rey)

 

*

 

 _From:_  A. Hux

 _To:_  B. Solo

Sunday 07/31/2016

 

Ben, love,

you’re better than I deserve. You’re right - that wasn’t what happened. I wish I could eat my words now. I should have known better than to lie to you. I wanted - stupid of me, I wanted to spare you, okay? You were so distraught just about that police station bombing several months ago, I thought… it was really stupid of me, thinking you wouldn’t handle it. I forgot that you might be loud and let your emotions run freely in letters but that’s just it - it’s letters. You write it out of yourself and it helps you handle it in real life.

I wish I could do that, let things out instead of stuffing them inside myself to rot. I have seen you angry, frustrated, upset - you yell and break something but we’re fine, you come to me when the fight is out of you and you just hold onto me and I feel like the strongest man in the universe. But when I was angry nobody used to notice, and I didn’t break anything - instead I was hurting people I was close to. I did that even to you… that time when we almost broke up.

I should have trusted you, full stop.

Of course you’ve seen right through it. How could I even for a second think you wouldn’t. We’re going to get married after all. (I am still feeling a bit dazed when I see it in writing. I’m going to marry you. You want to marry me. It should feel unreal but you know what? Sometimes it feels like the only real, solid point in the entire stretch of days as far as I can see, as if the rest of this desert and war and everything between now and the moment I get to hold you again is just a fever dream.)

Well, here’s the thing: there’s been yet another IED incident - sorry, a roadside bomb. We always drive at breakneck speed when we’re outside the base precisely for this reason, and as we neared the place, I noticed something off and slowed down - that saved us. I can’t remember much details save for a lot of black smoke. I had sprained both wrists as I was holding onto the wheel when the blast came and some bruised ribs and a concussion. That’s all, I swear. All things considered, it was a minor thing. The others were fine too, a couple of bruises and a lot of scratches.

But I had to stay in the field hospital for a couple of days - my eyes refused to focus for a while because of the concussion and they had to make sure there wasn’t a swelling. It was all right - those helmets we wear are good for something. And I couldn’t type, I’ve had both hands bandaged for a week and I thought I was going crazy. I didn’t want to aggravate the injury and get myself discharged for medical reasons, or worse, end up with permanent limited hand movement but fuck, it was hard. I knew you must have been writing to me, my buddies offered to read your letters to me when I still had headaches just from seeing daylight and later the nurses said they’d type out anything I wanted but I… I couldn’t. I was full of things I wanted to tell you, how stupidly close I was to never telling you again, and I couldn’t just dictate something impersonal, and I couldn’t talk about you, us, in front of a stranger.

That’s all. Just me being a coward. Can you forgive me?

Please trust me when I say that I am doing everything to prevent any harm happening to me or to my men. But I am a soldier in a warzone. We have body armors and armored cars and we are trained for combat situations. We aren’t exactly safe but we’re prepared. And you know me, I am not one to stay put when there are things outside that need to be done. I can only promise that I am not taking any risks.

I had a letter from Techie and Rey much to the same extent as yours. Only in stronger terms - namely, Rey swore to “deck me like you were supposed to” if I was going to hurt you. I’ll tell Techie what happened as soon as I finish this letter to you.

I love you.

A.

 

*

 

 _From:_  B. Solo

 _To:_  A. Hux

Sunday 07/31/2016

 

My ‘Tidge,

I read your letter a few times and had to think about how to reply. The whole time I kept thinking, why am I not angry? Shouldn’t I be? It’s my gut reaction so often, right?

But I really thought about it and…I wish you’d just told me, but I understand why you didn’t. And it’s because I know how you think and I  _ know _ you never wanted to hurt me or trick me. Like you said, you wanted to spare me. I’ve given you more than enough reason to try, considering how worked up I can get. (Why you didn’t up and leave those times I got upset I’ll never know. You’re better than I deserve too.)

Thank you for telling me what happened. I just want us to be honest with each other. This stuff is new for both of us, we’re gonna screw up. But I never felt like I could…safely screw up with anyone before you. But you…I know you and love you and  _ trust you _ . More than anyone. And that’s stronger than whatever fears and self-doubt I have left. What we have, baby, it’s so strong. You feel it too, right?

What I’m trying to say is, of course I forgive you. You don’t even have to ask.

Besides, since you almost got  _ blown up _ apparently, I’m much more relieved that you’re okay than anything else. All I can think now is how hard it must have been for you, being idle like that. I remember every time you got sick and I made you take it easy and you looked ready to crawl out of your skin. I can picture you getting more and more impatient, thinking up ways you could get something done without going against the doctor’s orders. That’s my ‘Tidge. :)

I wish I could have been there to kiss your wrists and ribs and eyes and head and keep you entertained. Did you at least have my shirt with you? I hope so.

Speaking of shirts. The other week I was so worried for you and I…shit, this is embarrassing, but hopefully it will make you smile. I was doing laundry and wasn’t paying attention and I’d stuck a pen in one of my pockets at the center the other day. You can guess where this is going. Ink  _ everywhere _ . It somehow managed to get on every other thing in the load. How one little pen did all that…luckily there wasn’t much. I’m going to cut up the t-shirts to use as rags and can use the jeans the next time dad inevitably talks me into some messy project of his.

I’m afraid to ask what else Rey and Techie might have said to you. They’re dangerous enough individually, but together…you know that phrase about an unstoppable force and an immovable object? Now imagine being  _ between _ those two things. Techie can stand there making these intelligent, logical points, much like you. Immovable object. Then Rey comes in with the kill. Unstoppable force. I pity their classmates sometimes. We’re lucky to have them on our side.

Do you think they’ll dance together at the wedding?

The wedding. I still can’t believe it’s really happening. I get this thrill every time I think about it. How to describe it? It’s like Christmas eve or the opening credits to a movie you’ve been waiting for or receiving a surprise in the mail but better than all those things combined. I get to marry you. You want to marry me.

Since I’m sure you’ll want some sort of update on home: Techie is now doing some summer course your father enrolled him in. Rey has been helping dad do car repairs and she is frighteningly good at it. The rest of the time, she and Techie hang out. She found out just how many movies he hasn’t seen and insists on giving him the cinematic education of a lifetime. Sometimes I join them if I can. We’ve all been so busy we haven’t had time for much more than a movie here or ice cream there but there’s a festival the first week of August I’m hoping to take them to. Lots of games for them to compete at and foods poor Techie can’t have and rides Rey will insist on riding. Wish me luck.

We think about you every day. I miss you so much. But what’s strange is, after what happened, it feels easier than before. Missing you but knowing you’re out there and okay is a hell of a lot better than thinking I’d lost you. And you know what else? We’re past the halfway point. We can do this, pumpkin.

Take care. I love you always.

Your Ben

 

 

 


	7. Looking forward to going home

_ From: _  A. Hux

_ To: _  B. Solo

 

Thursday 09/08/2016

 

My dear Ben,

my stay here is nearing its end. Soon I won’t be counting weeks but days, and then hours. Looking back, I can’t help having a bit of mixed feelings. A little pride in what I’ve managed to do here, and a lot of disillusion when I realise what a little drop in a sea that was. In the end I guess doing a little good is better than doing nothing.

My wrists are good now. You know how they usually look - bony and thin like the rest of me. Not even the basic training succeeded in me putting on some bulk. I’ve been ordered light physio to get the joints in top form and let me tell you, that first day at the base gym I sort of wanted the ground to swallow me. There were all these men and women off duty, showing off their brawn and trying to one-up each other in bench-pressing and then there was me, “exercising” with aerobics weights. Ouch.

I remember how you tried to rope me into your workouts. I admit a little part of me felt intimidated when I saw you lifting a set of weights heavier than me. A bigger part of me started imagining all the things you could do while holding me up and that’s how I ended up falling off the treadmill, in case you ever wondered.

Remember that fantasy con we went to once? You were so in awe of all the cosplayers. At one moment, I got caught up a bit chatting with an old friend I met there (Phas, you remember her? She was going as someone from that Game of Thrones show, clad in heavy and shiny armor from head to toe) and then I looked around and spotted you engaged in a sword fight. I know, it was more like sticks instead of real swords but still, it was amazing. I didn’t even know you knew how to wield a sword and there you were, spinning and bringing it down with such force I feared for the guy and looking so breathtaking I wanted to drag you out of there and into our hotel room that instant.

And then there’s things I remember even more fondly - the way you always cared for me. With gentleness and attention one wouldn’t expect in someone so big and expressive. I fell in love with little things - the way you held my hand, stroked my face with just the tips of your fingers, the way you walked closer when we were out late.

I used to make a fuss about the things you were leaving all over our place and show little appreciation of the fact that  _ you were there _ . It’s taken me a few months in a tent with just a sleeping bag, a laptop, a few toiletries and your t-shirt instead of a pillow to start missing all the things that come with you. Foggy mirror in the bathroom after you showered. That permanent dip in the sofa cushions where you sit when you watch TV. Your doodles on the newspaper edge. The creases on the already made bed from when you toppled onto it after coming back from morning practice for a quick nap before you had to go into the shop.

I better write about something else before I make this a novel again. Have you started picking up honeymoon locations? We can go wild - what do you think all this tax-free money I’m making here is for? But please, please somewhere with no sand. That stuff really gets everywhere.

Love you,

A.

 

*

 

_ From: _  B. Solo

_ To: _  A. Hux

 

Saturday 09/10/2016

 

My sweet pumpkin,

No sand? Damn, because I was looking at Fiji...

Just kidding. ;) 

But I have been looking. There are some nice resorts in the mountains, open all year, not just ski season. Or maybe a cruise? We could stay on the boat the whole time, no sand involved. I read Sonoma is nice, too, and I know how you love your wine. We’ll sit together when you’re home and look through the links I found.

I don't care what we do as long as we're together. We need to be gone at least a week because I need time to kiss and pamper every inch of you. Your wrists, by the way, aren't  _ bony _ , they're elegant, like the rest of you. Elegant and beautiful with your perfect posture and long legs and smooth skin...you're so wonderfully put together, sharp and clean and handsome, while I'm this mishmash of big everything that you somehow manage to find appealing.

I love how we look side by side, though. Mom says we look like some sort of power couple. I do always feel powerful with you. I might have more muscle but that quick tongue of yours can really pack a punch. I don't always have the right words but I know you do, that you can handle anything.

Do you remember the capoeira with that group of jerks, something-club...kali? Kani? Anyway remember how they started giving us a hard time backstage? I was getting so angry, we all were, but if one of us clocked one of them in the teeth like they deserved, we'd have been disqualified. Then you stepped in and reduced their leader to  _ nothing _ . No fists, no prop sword, just your words. They never bothered us after that. You were amazing and I was so proud you were mine. I still am.

Even though it's kept us apart, I'm so proud of you for going there. I should admit that I brag about you sometimes. Is that okay? And I might...haveyourpictureinmywallet. Please don't laugh. Okay, laugh. It's cheesy I know. But I want to look at you all the time and how can I not show off my hot military fiancé?

Fiancé. Soon: husband. It makes me smile every time.

I'm glad we're keeping the wedding small. Not like your, what, second cousin’s wedding? Which you went to out of obligation and dragged me along as your plus one with the promise of free food (which wasn’t even good) and wine (which was…acceptable)? ‘Tidge,  _ they didn’t even have a cookie table _ . Anyway, he had, what, 300 guests? I don't think we even know 300 people. No, it’s better this way. Family, friends. People we actually like. Of course, I won’t even notice them. I’ll be too busy looking at you.

It still feels empty here without you, even after all these months. I may have been the one who threw my things everywhere, took up the couch, left dishes in the sink, but you filled this place in your own way, things I never really appreciated until now. The crisp hospital corners when you made the bed I so unceremoniously fell onto after practice. Your triumphantly finished crossword puzzle on the coffee table. The sounds of you moving around the kitchen making tea. Touching me as you walked past, while we sat together, before you left, as soon as you got back. All the reassuring ways I knew you were here.

I miss them, and you, so much.

Some quick news from home: Rey and Techie are back in school and mostly back to their usual competing. I say mostly because it’s not like it used to be. They’ve started  _ helping each other _ . Something definitely changed over the summer but maybe it was headed this way anyway.

Of course, when they got their summer reading essays back and Rey scored two points higher than Techie she still gloated for a solid five minutes. Baby steps.

The downside to them being at school all day is me having one less distraction from how much time is left. The upside, of course, is that it won’t be much longer now. I can’t wait to hold you again.

Love,

Your Ben

 

*

 

_ From:  _ A. Hux

_ T _ _ o: _  Ben Solo

Monday, 09/26/2016

 

Ben, my love,

this is hopefully the last letter you’re getting from me written in here - hopefully because getting another one would mean I’ve been unexpectedly delayed. But let’s hope I won’t. Next time you’ll see something written from me it will be my name on our wedding certificate.

I am being transferred to Kuwait and there wait in transit for the plane. I’ve put the ETA and the number of flight I’ll be coming with into the attachment to this e-mail. I can’t wait to see you. Pity I won’t be able to climb you like a tree right there - I am afraid that Techie would die from embarrassment, and Rey would never let me live it down. It would be worth climbing you just to piss off Father - but you know how it is. Important speech given at the Academy blah blah blah.

But I will kiss you. This time I won’t be waiting and biding my time and playing it safe like I did when we kissed for the first time - do you remember? I’ve been half thrilled and half terrified then - afraid that I was going to shatter something that I somehow knew had the potential of becoming very, very important. No, this time I won’t be wasting a single second.  _ Not _ kissing you is not an option.

Hold on there. I’ll be home soon.

  
A.

 

*

 

_ From: _  B. Solo

_ To: _  A. Hux

 

Tuesday 09/27/2016

 

You’re coming home!!!!

You might not even see this, you might already be on your way. I don’t care. I have to tell you how overwhelmingly happy I am because Rey and Techie are sick of hearing it and when I see you I won’t be able to tell you because I’ll be too busy kissing you.

I wish I could just sling you over my shoulder and carry you home but for the sake of your dignity, I’ll resist.

But you can bet I will kiss you, and hold you, and tell you how much I love you.

Time is still moving too slowly. Every minute feels like an hour and every hour like a day but it’s still better than the weeks and months.

You’re coming home. _ I can’t wait _ .

**I love you so much.**

I’ll see you soon. :)

Love, 

Your Ben

 

 


	8. Reunion

Hux shifted awkwardly in the too small civil airline seat and re-crossed his legs for the third time in the past five minutes. An elderly lady seated next to him shot him a mildly irritated look. Someone’s crappy headphones two rows ahead were blaring Justin Bieber loud enough for everyone to hear. The incessant wailing of an infant was coming from the back of the plane, the resigned cabin crew having long ago given up on doing anything about it. Hux checked his watch for the second time in a minute. Due to unexpected headwind, their flight was already twenty minutes late.

“Can’t wait to hold your gal at the airport, can you,” the lady next to him leaned in with an impish and a little nostalgic smile. “Remember that myself, waiting for Bill to be shipped home from Vietnam.” She gave Hux an approving once-over. “He was one of them Marines, all dashing in his dress whites. Though this doesn’t look half bad on you either.”

Hux automatically passed a hand across the gold-rimmed lapels of his black dress uniform, smoothing away the creases born by being awkwardly folded in this cramped can of an airplane for the last two hours. At least it wasn’t the long overseas flight from Kuwait, he told himself. As a specialist in engineering Hux had been temporarily assigned to another unit for the duration of his deployment, a unit stationed on a base in another state. He went through the debriefing there, handed in his rifle, shaved and changed into something presentable and just about caught a low-cost flight home. Home, where Ben was waiting for him.

And now he was delayed.

He took off his hat and passed a hand through his hair. Still so short – Ben would hate it. His hairline was damp with sweat and the strands above his forehead had begun to curl a little.

“Oh, she’s won the lottery with you for sure,” the lady cooed, unabashedly flirtatious in the way elderly ladies often were, adorable and gleeful. Hux flashed her his perfected full-front-teeth-no-gums smile.

“My boyfriend often tells me the same,” he told her amicably, “though truth be told, I’m the lucky one.”

With that, he pulled out his wallet and showed her the picture tucked inside.

 

A warm memory tugged at his heart, of Ben confessing to carry Hux’s picture around in his wallet and begging him not to laugh… Hux couldn’t resist to caress the grainy face in the photo with his fingertip. A lock of dark hair was nestled safely behind it. Soon he would get to touch the real thing, and more hair than just a lock, and more of Ben than just the hair.

To her credit, the lady lost none of her vigor. If anything, she only cooed harder.

“Oh my, such deep, velvety eyes! These are artist’s eyes. The kind that gazes straight into your soul, doesn’t it? Does he paint? Or photograph?”

“He’s a dancer,” Hux confided, feeling benevolent. Talking about Ben wouldn’t make the plane fly faster but it certainly could make the acute feeling of missing him a little more bearable.

It could also help in silencing the tiny naggling voice in the back of Hux’s mind that kept insinuating that perhaps… perhaps Ben would be there just to give him a lukewarm hug, take his hand at a polite distance and tell him he couldn’t do this anymore.

_ Nonsense _ , Hux told himself for a hundreth time this day alone. Ben loved him. There was a solid weight of printed out letters in Hux’s breast pocket to vouch for that, the folded paper frayed at the edges from reading them over and over again. There were more e-mails saved on the memory card in Hux’s phone, photographs from the care packages packed tight in his bag. Ben promised he would wait for him, had written in his letters that he was going to wait.

_ But you didn’t make it easy for him. You push and push and you drive forward and everyone in your path gets knocked to the side and you take and take and never give anything in return– _

“Oh dearie, you’ve gone all pale,” the voice of the old lady came to him, thinned as if seeping through a fog. “Should I call for a steward? Where was that button again...”

“It’s all right, I’m fine, thank you,” Hux interrupted her, shaking himself. He took a deep breath and huffed out a little laugh. “Just a bit nervous is all.”

“How long have you two been together?” the lady asked - not exactly curious but gentle, as if she could see straight through him.

“Over five years,” Hux replied. “Closing on six, actually.” Saying it aloud served as the much needed shake to tear him out of panic attack and show him the ridiculousness of it. Ben had stayed with him for nearly six years. He would not leave over twenty minutes.

“It’s nice to see young people going steady these days,” the lady quipped and then startled when the seat belts sign blinked to life above her head. “Oh dear, here we go. I hate landings. Would you be so nice and handed me that belt strap, I think I must be sitting on the other half…”

_ Ladies and gentlemen, we’re approaching... _ sounded the Captain’s announcement from the speakers, soon drowned out in a collective groan of relief. Even the child in the back stopped crying. There was the general squirming and righting of seats and clicking of tables being pushed up. Hux put away his wallet and tried to keep an excited grin from his face. Soon, Ben. 

 

*

 

_ Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap _   
  
"Ben if you don't stop that I'm going to crawl up there and sit on your feet."   
  
Ben grunted but obligingly tried to still his tapping foot. He huffed impatiently as they pulled to a stop at yet another red light.   
  
"Really!"   
  
"Ben, I swear...his flight doesn't even land for twenty minutes and we're five minutes from the airport! Calm down! Techie is perfectly calm. Right?"   
  
Rey glanced over to her companion in the back seat, who was twisting his shirt between his hands and chewing on his bottom lip. When he caught her looking he stopped immediately and nodded. Rey sighed.   
  
"Hopeless, both of you." She leaned forward to the driver's side. "Thank you for driving us, Mr. Bacca. I'm sorry about them."   
  
Their driver delivered a response that Rey took as "it's no trouble". He'd known her father and family long enough that she was pretty sure she could translate his thick accent by now, even if she still wasn't 100% sure what he looked like under all that hair.   
  
They began moving again. Still trying not to tap his foot, Ben squirmed in his seat, feeling cramped with his long limbs stuffed into the small space. Rey was about to chastise him again when she caught a glimpse of his face in the side mirror. Impatient, excited...and nervous.   
  
"Ben," she said as gently as she could. "He's just as excited to see you. It's fine."   
  
Ben swallowed, smoothed his hair back with one hand. As soon as the hand had moved from his leg the leg began bouncing, and Rey sighed again.   
  
"You two are  _ engaged _ , remember?"   
  
"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Do I look okay? I mean not that it matters, we're just picking him up..."   
  
Rey shot Techie a pleading look. Techie reached out to put a gentle hand on Ben's shoulder.   
  
"Armie loves you," he said. "I've known him my whole life and he's never been with someone the way he is with you. And he missed you a lot."   
  
"...you're right." The bouncing stopped and Ben took a slow, deep breath. "You're right."   
  
"Oh, you'll listen to  _ him _ ..."   
  
"We're here!" Techie exclaimed.   
  
Mr. Bacca had barely pulled into a spot, hadn't even shut the car off and Ben was unbuckled and flying out the door.   
  
"Thanks again," Rey said, looping one arm around the front seat to give him a quick hug. "We'll be out as soon as we can." Then she and Techie hurried to catch up with Ben.   
  
When they found him, he was staring intently at the Arrivals screen.   
  
"There," he mumbled, more to himself than the two of them. "Passenger from gate A arrive at carousels H through K. There’s his flight number. It's running late?! Maybe I should check with the desk, just to be sure."   
  
"Ben, d-" Rey started, but it was too late, he was already taking long strides to the information desk. She looked at Techie and smiled.   
  
"You're excited too, I can tell. You just aren't being a lunatic about it."   
  
Techie smiled bashfully and shrugged.   
  
"I missed him."   
  
"I know." She paused. "Me too."   
  
Ben returned with a heavy sigh, having confirmed the flight was indeed delayed by about twenty minutes. He guided Rey and Techie to an open area where a small crowd was forming. To their left and right were rows of baggage carousels and ahead, the hallway from which arriving passengers streamed through in clusters.   
  
And they waited.

And waited.

After six months, another half hour shouldn't have seemed like much, but it did. It was more than enough time for Ben to consider every awful possibility.

_ Maybe he's not even on this flight _ , his brain supplied,  _ maybe he went elsewhere, maybe he doesn't want to see you. _

He shoved that one aside. Hux was a lot of things but a coward wasn't one of them, whatever he might say to the contrary. No, if he'd had a change of heart, this would be the time to tell him. Get it over with, practical, and somewhere public where he couldn't make a scene...

_ Stop that _ , he scolded himself. Hux wouldn't do that.

But was it really so farfetched? He'd been away six months. Maybe the days apart during their short breakup had made Hux panic in the empty apartment, enough so to agree to their engagement even. But six months overseas, independent but surrounded by colleagues, furthering his career? That was plenty of opportunity to decide he didn't need Ben after all…

His throat felt tight, vision blurring at the edges, an unpleasant sensation rolled in his stomach, he probably should have eaten breakfast, his heartbeat pounded in his ears…

A hand on his (bouncing, again) leg startled him. The pounding stopped, the sights and sounds of the bustling airport returning as the fog cleared and he met Techie's concerned gaze.

“Ben?”

“I'm, um. Fine.”

Techie gave him a look so Hux-like it was frightening.

“You don't have to lie. Armie is right, you're so easy to read...Ben,  _ don't worry. _ He loves you.” Techie paused, thinking. “Do you remember the Skype call? How he started crying? Armie doesn't cry over just anyone, okay?”

Ben stared at him. The reminder helped, certainly, but it was something else. It was remembering that call and how they'd slipped right into their easy way of talking. It was Rey and Techie, the reason they were even together, on either side of him bolstering him like bookends then as they did now. Which led to dozens of other memories, the four of them doing things together, the best times of their lives. And then memories of just him and Hux, precious and vivid in his mind’s eye. They'd built a life together when they weren't even looking. The ceremony and certificate would be nice to have, but they were already a family.  _ Family _ . He thought of his parents’ unconditional love in the face of his years of rebellion. Rey's fierce loyalty. Techie's trust. Hux's... _ everything _ , his steady presence, the ways they fit together.  _ Family _ . It took more than six months and an ocean between them to break that.

His eyes were filling up and he took a deep breath. He'd told himself he wouldn't cry, a promise he would surely break by the end of the day, but now wasn't the time. Hux would be here soon to wipe the tears away.

He smiled at Techie in unspoken thanks and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, his other arm reaching over to do the same to Rey, who he knew was eavesdropping as she pretended to people-watch. She grumbled but returned the embrace all the same.

A voice over the intercom announced the arrival of two more flights. One of them was Hux's.  _ Soon _ .

 

*

 

His bag had been through the plane cargo hold two times, was repeatedly jostled around on the belt conveyors and in the ungentle hands of the airport staff and yet there still were grains of sand clinging persistently to the fabric covering the outer pockets. Hux heaved the whole heavy thing onto his shoulder, tucked his hat under the other arm and commenced the strategic exit from the baggage reclaim area - that is, he snorted to himself at his Army-speak warped brain - he tried to escape the unexpectedly vigorous elderly lady who seemed intent on holding onto his elbow all the way here (“Oh, dear, I really can’t cope with the landings, how nice of you to help me down the steps”). Hux suspected that she only wanted to get a good look at Ben and titter and squee at their reunion. He couldn’t be mad at her - to take her mind off the landing she’d confided in him that her Bill had passed away several years ago so there was no-one waiting for her - but he really didn’t want an attentive audience for this moment. It was enough that there were going to be hundreds of other people - but they were going to mind their own business, eyes and heads full of their own loved ones.

There. The crowd cleared in front of him for a moment and he’d glimpsed a little group of people hovering near the exit, just silhouettes against the glass-doors, every detail erased by the distance. His eyes struggled to take in more in the relative gloom of the hall, especially after walking over the sun-beaten airport field, surprisingly bright and warm for an early October. More people were loitering around this little group, looking out for the arrivals but Hux’s would recognise the figures anywhere. A slight girl with a funny bun of dark hair, wrapped in a thick woolen coat as if she was used to some desert climate - Rey Solo. A reedy boy already a head taller than her - God, Techie was going to end up as tall as Hux, wasn’t he? And was his hair always this rich tone of burnished gold? And lastly - a tall, broad-shouldered man with a mane of dark locks cascading down his shoulders… Hux’s heart skipped a beat, and if his bag wasn’t already hanging from his shoulder, he’d have dropped it.

Ben hasn’t spotted him yet, talking to the kids and looking down on them, and Hux was immensely glad for the little time this gave him to adjust. Ben was… so much the same, the familiar image of him burned inside Hux’s heart and now throbbing with renewed intensity - and at the same time, inexplicably different. Hux couldn’t quite put his finger on it. It wasn’t only the hair - Ben must have skipped at least two appointments with his hairdresser to get it like this, and Hux couldn’t wait to bury his fingers in it. It was…

It was the way Ben held himself - shoulders straighter, less of that self-conscious hunch he used to put on whenever he thought he was being conspicuous. Ben was always conspicuous, always standing out - and sometimes he hated it. Sometimes, he would think he’d grown too much, too tall, too strong, too mismatched, unfitting and undeserving.

This new Ben occupied the space he was in with a newly acquired ease, with a quiet and unassuming but unmistakable command. It was the posture of someone who’s come to terms with themselves and their position in life, someone who knew their own worth and was fine with it. Hux’s heart swelled at the thought.

He was now grateful for the endless hours of marching drill, for the nights upon nights of mindless circling on patrols. He could trust his feet to carry him without stumbling as he walked, brisk and just shy of breaking into running, eyes drinking in all the details. Was that a new jacket? Good of Ben for getting rid of the old one, it was starting to make him look like a rogue…

And then Ben lifted his head and his gaze flitted over the hall and locked on Hux, drawn to him unerringly as if to a beacon.

For a moment between one heartbeat and the next everything else seemed to fade out, calls and chatter of people drowned out by static white noise. The only clear spot in the fog was the light in Ben’s eyes, growing like a kindling fire. His - still the same, crooked, clean-shaved,  _ beloved _ face split into a grin, the happiness of it tangible even across the last couple of meters between them. It rolled over Hux like waves over rocks, white-tipped and overwhelming. Hux took a deep breath, tasting the sweetness of joy and surprising saltiness of a tight throat at the same time. No way, he pleaded with himself, he would  _ not _ cry… 

 

*

 

Finally, people began trickling in from the gates. One by one passengers found those waiting for them. Ben struck up casual conversation to distract from his excitement and Rey and Techie indulged him, talking about school though he only paid half attention. He glanced up every so often through the crowd for a familiar head of sun-bleached hair and a freckled face, disappointed every time his search came up empty. He was feeling warm so he unzipped his jacket - his new one, which he hoped Hux would like.

Techie said something and Ben turned to him, trying his best to listen and curtail his desperate searching glances. After a minute he couldn’t help it, he looked again and…

And there he was.

Ben stopped breathing for a moment.

Hux was striding towards him, bag slung over one shoulder and hat tucked under the opposite elbow. He was straight-backed and self assured as ever, except...now it was different, Ben could tell immediately.

Before he’d worn his uniform like a costume and held his confidence like a weapon, things that could be taken away, things that weighed him down with expectations.

Now he held himself like a man who knew what he could do because he’d done it. He carried his confidence with the effortless grace of someone who had earned it. It didn’t sit on his shoulders but instead resonated from his core, part of him. Ben felt a swell of pride. This man, this striking, capable man, who wore his uniform like a second skin, was  _ his _ .

And was swiftly approaching Ben with such purpose, as if to claim him in return. Warmth filled his chest and burst onto his face as he smiled so wide it made his cheeks ache and yet he couldn’t, wouldn’t stop, because  _ Hux was here _ . Hux’s face mirrored his, more subtly but Ben could see it, his eyes gleaming and a smile forming, the one just for him. Ben’s legs moved before his mind caught up, wobbly at first and then long, sure strides.

As he drew nearer he could make out more details: the lighter hue of his hair, the coloration of his cheeks somewhere between the sunburn receding and the new freckles left in its wake,  _ soon he could find out just how many, soon, soon… _ Ben’s eyes flicked down Hux’s frame; he looked  _ fucking incredible _ in that uniform. They were drawing near enough now that ever-perceptive Hux must have caught the look and the following swipe of Ben’s tongue over his lips, because his head dipped forward and his eyes scrunched with a startled laugh. Tears welled in Ben’s eyes and this time he made no effort to stop them.

Six months had painstakingly dragged into weeks and days then hours and minutes and now, only seconds, only a few more steps. His body continued to act without conscious thought, arms reaching out, trying to get closer, faster,  _ need him _ , _ now. _

Ben only barely registered the dull  _ thump _ of Hux’s bag hitting the ground, the softer  _ plop _ of the hat, before they collided, chest to chest, and long, lean arms curled firmly around his torso, sneaking under his jacket, fingers clutching at the back of his shirt…and then Hux’s mouth found his in a kiss that didn’t feel like a welcome treat but like a fucking necessity, as if Hux couldn’t live without doing that, without kissing Ben mid-stride, in the middle of the airport, for all the world to see.

Hux kissed him as if he wanted nothing but crawl inside Ben, seep into his skin like tattoo ink, breathe through his lungs and flow through his veins - and Ben gave back as good as he got. For once in his life, he was glad he was so big - mouth, body, heart - because it meant there was room enough in him for Hux to live in, to fit inside and never leave again.

Then the kiss ended and a face was pressed into his neck, short hair tickling at his jaw and nothing  _ nothing _ had ever felt so good in all Ben’s fucking  _ life _ ....

He wrapped Hux up in his arms and held him so, so tight, just on the pleasant side of too tight. A relieved, breathless sob escaped his lips and he dipped his face to hide in Hux’s shoulder as the first tears fell. He was shaking, or maybe Hux was shaking, maybe they both were, and he held him that much closer, hands warm and firm where they clasped at him. For several moments neither of them dared to move. Then Ben needed to look at him again like he needed air and forced himself to pull back just enough to meet his eyes, one hand cupping the back of his head and the other arm still securely around him,  _ I’m not going anywhere _ .

He nearly sobbed again at the way Hux was looking at him, like he’d stepped outside to a sky lit up with stars. Hux swallowed roughly, clearly trying to keep himself in check and only barely succeeding. Ben smiled through watery eyes and trembling lips. He slid his hand down to cup Hux’s jaw, brushing a thumb over one dear, freckled cheek. He leaned in close.

“Welcome home, pumpkin,” he whispered for only Hux to hear.

“Hello, sweetheart– _ ooof! _ ” And before Ben knew what happened, he’d found himself topping forward onto his knees, following Hux who was falling backwards and only with luck landing on the bag abandoned on the floor, Techie wrapped around him like a sobbing bear and Rey completing the onslaught by latching herself onto Hux’s last free elbow. Though she was so tiny, her weight was the final tipping point that made them all end up in a cuddle pile on the floor, Hux panting and patting Techie’s head, Rey surreptitiously wiping her face in the sleeve of Hux’s uniform and Ben laughing between tears. Hux was finally back. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Amazing art](http://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/post/153955357756/pembroke-ben-only-barely-registered-the-dull) for this chapter by @pembroke - feels overload!


	9. Home Again

What little surprise Hux felt at learning that his landlady’s man was a lifelong friend of the Solos, he squashed it quickly. This was a small city after all.

They piled themselves into the car, Rey graciously conceding to ride shotgun so that Techie could pester Hux to his heart’s content. Trying to unglue him from his long-missed Armie would have been unimaginable anyway. The same went for Ben on Hux’s other side. Hux caught her frown at him in the rear mirror and raised a questioning eyebrow.

“I’ve never seen you with messy hair is all,” she remarked defensively. Hux rolled his eyes upwards where the loose strands were brushing his eyebrows. Of course: that kiss on the airport followed by Techie’s full body attack had completely ruined whatever remained from the once neat hairstyle he sported at the dismissal from duty.

“It suits you!” Techie blurted out at the same time as Ben whined, ”It’s  _ so _ short!”

Hux laughed and tried to smoothen his hair back into order with his right hand. The clumsy move only resulted in messing them even more. But his dexterous hand, his left hand was firmly clasped in Ben’s, fingers entwined, and Hux didn’t particularly want to let go even for such a short moment. In the rear mirror, Rey watched that with a look of utter disdain.

“You’re both hopeless,” she announced airily and leaned towards the driver. “Take us home, Mr. Bacca, before I lose my mind.”

If her eyes softened and her cheeks blushed a little when her eyes lingered on Techie in the rear mirror, the boy’s face  _ glowing _ with happiness, Hux pretended not to notice.

They dropped Rey at Solo’s house first; and Techie actually interrupted his ceaseless stream of talking for long enough to return her wave from her attic room window. He was next to go, Mr. Bacca driving him close enough to his neighbourhood so the boy could safely walk home. The hippie-looking man refused to drive his old battered van too close to the private street where Hux family house stood and Hux didn’t blame him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Hux promised him and they both made an identical sour face. Predictably, Ben snorted out a laugh. It made something warm and glowing stir to life inside Hux’s chest - Ben’s laughter was a bright, infectious thing, and Hux loved to make him laugh.

“No but really,” Techie complained, “formal family dinners are their own special circle of hell.”

“Father wants to see me for once,” Hux shrugged, “and such gestures of goodwill need to be encouraged,” he added sarcastically.

Ben had let go of his hand only to sneak his whole huge arm around him. “Shame he gets to have you the whole evening - but baby, I am glad he didn’t come to the airport,” Ben whispered, face nuzzling into Hux’s neck, his breath hot on Hux’s ear.

“Guys, get a room,” Techie groaned and shut the car door, waving at them through the window before turning and trudging resolutely down the pavement.

From the driver’s seat came a grunt that Hux guessed meant: “And where to now?”

“Home,” he said and relaxed into the feel of Ben’s arm around his shoulders. Beside him, Ben grinned. Yes. He was going home.

Streets passed behind the window in a hazy blur. New shop here. Fresh graffiti there. Different flowers on the windowsills than when he left. Roads going through their yearly cycle of dust, sludge, fallen leaves and empty paper cups from Starbucks. And finally, a familiar block of appartments. A tiny woman with thick glasses stood waiting at the front door.

“Armitage! So good to see you back.”

Hux returned her hug. “Thank you for not evicting Ben while I was gone,” he said with a smile. She snorted.

“Hardly had any reason now, had I? Young Mr. Solo here pays rent in advance and knows how to change a fuse. If only all tenants were like him!”

The warm feeling inside Hux intensified. He  _ knew _ Ben was going to be fine, logically, he was an adult. But he’d couch hopped between the Knights for years, and even after moving in with Hux he used to gladly leave all the fuss around the flat lease on him… it was nice to see that Ben was able to do fine on his own.

Beside him, Ben was practically vibrating with impatience. Hux half expected to be scooped up into strong arms and carried up the stairs but with clearly monumental effort, Ben restrained himself, content to herd Hux up the stairs with an insistent hand beneath the tails of his uniform tunic and around his backside.

Two flights of stairs have never taken so long. But at last Hux was inside his own place again, the bag a forgotten heap on the hallway hardwood floor as he stood there, breathing deeply, taking the flat in. Behind him, there was a click of the lock. Hux breathed out, the last tendrils of tension around his stomach uncurling and vanishing, and then he spun on his heel.

“Ooof, baby–” was all Ben was able to get out before he was climbed like a tree, with the door fortunately solid under his back and Hux wrapping his arms and legs around him, kissing him within an inch of his life.

“I wanted to do this right in the airport,” Hux growled between nips on the skin just under Ben’s ear, relishing every shudder. “But - oh fuck Ben I missed you so much - I couldn’t risk someone snapping a photo of me disrespecting this uniform–”

“You look so hot in that uniform,” Ben gasped, fitting both hands around Hux’s hips, thumbs brushing the narrow hipbones, fingertips digging into the flesh of his ass. He squeezed and lifted Hux a little higher. Six months ago, Hux would be ashamed at the moan he let out. Now he just followed it with a kiss.

“But now I’d rather see you out of it,” Ben admitted when they next parted, both gasping for the much needed air. Peeling himself from the door, he began the wobbly way through the hallway and onto the living room sofa, where they crashed, Hux landing into the soft pillows and Ben, laughing, on top of him.

“Now, where were we?” 

*

 

Dim early morning light filled the room, diffused by the curtains and casting everything in a soft warm gray. Ben lay on his side facing away from the door, covers up to his shoulders. He squirmed and grumbled a little as consciousness began to take over.

Even barely awake, his first half-formed thoughts were of Hux.

_ Hux, who was… _

Ben rolled over with a grunt and reached an arm lazily across the bed to pull Hux closer…

 

And instead grasped nothing but empty air.

He propped himself up on one elbow and fumbled around, confused, before finally forcing his eyes open enough to confirm that he was alone.

Oh.

He blinked groggily, trying to sort out his thoughts, but it was hard in his sleep addled state, the details blurry…the airport, kissing Hux, holding him, arriving back at the apartment…

Had it all just been a dream? It wouldn’t have been the first time he dreamed of Hux coming home to him, of feeling Hux in his arms and against his lips and hands. But this one had been incredibly vivid. It had seemed so real. And yet, the evidence was right in front of him. Hux wasn’t here.

Ben’s heart dropped as his hand clutched the sheet. He stared at the empty place where Hux should be and felt a similar place echo inside him, the familiar ache of longing washing over him.

From the doorway, Hux saw it all.

He’d gotten up to use the bathroom and had been taking a minute to admire the improvements to their shower. When he returned, it was just as Ben was rolling over, and he paused there to watch. He’d been looking forward to a languid stretch, Ben’s lovely eyes opening and maybe, if he was lucky, a sleepy smile.

He hadn’t expected to watch Ben begin to crumble before his eyes. He couldn’t bear it.

“Ben, darling...”

His voice broke the heavy silence. Ben looked up and blinked sleepily at him for a moment. Then the sadness melted from his face into comprehension, though his eyes still looked wet. He reached out to him, opening his arms for Hux.

Hux wasted no time. He crossed the room in a few strides and crawled in beside him, slipping his feet under the covers and rolling into Ben’s embrace. Big, warm arms closed snug around him as Ben slumped back onto the bed with a soft sigh. Hux sank into his warmth, pressed his face into the crook of Ben’s neck and slipped his arms around his waist, palms flat on his back where he rubbed gentle circles.  _ I’m here, I’m here _ .

Ben held him and held him. Gradually, their bodies relaxed into each other and their breathing synced and warmth surrounded them until they no longer felt like separate beings.

When Ben finally shifted it was only enough to get more comfortable and look at Hux. His face was calm now, all traces of that awful, broken look gone.

Hux took advantage of the movement to slide his hands up Ben’s chest and neck and along his jaw to sink into his messy hair. Ben sighed again as nimble fingers rubbed at his scalp. He’d missed this so, so much. Hux pressed close once more and kissed his neck.

“I love you,” he whispered against his skin.

Ben couldn’t help tightening his arms around him. He knew that saying the words out loud didn’t come easily to Hux, even now. He also knew now more than ever that Hux meant them with all his heart. Ben overflowed with love for Hux and in turn Hux had just as much love for him, stored neatly inside and ready for Ben whenever he needed it.

“I love you too,” he said, giving Hux another gentle squeeze for emphasis. “Do you…have a lot to do today? Before the dinner?”

He knew Hux would hear the fragility in his voice no matter how casual he tried to sound.

“Yes,” Hux replied, and Ben tried not to let his heart sink too much.

Suddenly Hux was rolling them over, pinning Ben to the bed, his fingers still in his hair and his legs snug against Ben’s sides. He had a gleam in his eyes that silenced any questions Ben had.

“Yes,” Hux repeated, “Quite a lot. I have to try out the new shower. You’ll need to help me with that. And I’ve had the worst craving for pastries from our favorite shop. And, if I remember correctly, you promised me quite a lot of pampering, I hope that wasn’t all just talk…”

Ben’s face split into a grin, a relieved laugh bubbling from his chest. He cupped Hux’s face and pulled him into a kiss.

“Of course,” he managed between kisses, “all of that. Whatever you want. For as long as you want.”

Hux hummed contentedly against his lips.

“As long as I want?”

Ben nodded eagerly.

“Even…until death do us part?”

“Especially that.”

Hux laughed and it was music to his ears. Ben rolled them over again and they happily wrapped up in each other once more. Finally together, home, at last.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more benarmie cuteness come find us on Tumblr - [ frapandfurious](http://obsessions-and-dreams.tumblr.com/) and [ squire! ](http://sinningsquire.tumblr.com/)


End file.
